I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
