At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
