I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
