Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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