so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
