: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
