dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
