I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
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