I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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