It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
