so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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