you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
