party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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