I can tuck mytits in my pants
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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