I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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