You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
