literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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