too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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