What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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