bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
