You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
