Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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