I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I showed him my bush... on skype.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize