I will die if light touches me.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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