u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
