i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
