I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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