So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I need to calm my uterus...
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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