Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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