i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
