There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
