I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
