if i can run in heels then i can drive
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Randomize
