There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
