We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
