is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
