He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
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