he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Found the puke drawer
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
