Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Randomize
