Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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