I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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