Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
