And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
