I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
i out mim tonsoeep
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize