Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
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