Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
