so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize