i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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