if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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