I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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