My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize