girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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