Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
