Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
