i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
