the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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