I love black thongs
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Randomize
