it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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