I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
