doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
