So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
