i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Your cock deserves a montage
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Randomize
