You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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