Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
