i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
