Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
