Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
