Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
