i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Is it because I queefed?
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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