i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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