Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
