So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
