OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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