dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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