i was rollin on her like bob the builder
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
