I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
