you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
