All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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