I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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