I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
