Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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