ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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