the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
