It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
