Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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