Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
