So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
