people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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