Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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