Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
