That's intense
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Randomize
