Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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