Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
