we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Dignity is for republicans.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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