i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Randomize
