If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
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