i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
